Sometimes you need to be a B!TCH

I am going to be a B!TCH. Not that I wasn't already one, but I mean I am seriously done keeping my mouth closed. I am a Women's Studies major because frankly I love womyn and I love being a womyn. But frankly, at this point if it doesn't have to do with womyn, I dont care. I am not concerned with more of the deeper politics. I hate the Matrix of Domination and intersections of oppressions.
But back to me being a bitch, I have completely realized that 1.) I scare people even when I'm not trying, so why fight it. 2.) Nothing ever gets done when you spend all your time compromising. 3.) It is rare for anyone to even try to challege you or attempt to mess with you.  I have met a few men that this doesn't apply to, one of which finds pure joy in making me angry, but luckily part of being a bitch is finding pure joy in making someone else look stupid. I have heard on more than one account (this semester) that my role in life is to "cook, clean and look pretty for a man." This originally came up on light crew in theatre, I'm guessing he didn't catch the 'lesbian' card. But then I was told about a comment that was made in one of my classes that I missed about how women should be staying home with the kids and that women should have to follow certain codes of dress and so on... I'm a little sad/angry/annoyed that I missed class. But in retrospect the likelihood he would have said that with me in the room is slim.

Jesus was an Unplanned Pregnancy

"Representatives supporting MCCL talked of God, Jesus being an unplanned pregnancy and the need to speak out for the voiceless. "

I feel this is slightly more original than their usual material, but still very laugh-worthy and mockable. Frankly this eliminates the "slut" argument because supposedly she was a virgin(which could be scientifically possible, but highly unlikely). First, would abortion have really existed and would she have known or had access to it?  She was just lucky that she wasn't stoned to death for getting pregnant out of wedlock. Second, she still birthed and took care of the child, showing that she made a decision to carry on with the pregnancy and "God's wishes." She may have been delusional, but she still made a conscious decison to be the mother of this child. Third, there are other unplanned pregnancies that end in birth, why must everything focus around a guy who may or may not have been divine? And if he hadn't been "good" would they still desperately want to prevent abortions in his name.

Are Blogs the New Zines?

In the early to mid-90's the riot grrrl movement was writing zines and music about the oppressions of women and criticizing the media.  I don't feel that this has actually stopped, but in a way transformed into something else. With the age of technology that we are living in, it is more practical and wide reaching to blog instead of zine. But what is lost by this transition? There is less personal involvement and passion to blogging than when creating a zine.  There was more room for expression with zines, at least on an artistic level. Drawings and sometimes writing styles are lost in the world of online blogging. That amazing passion that can be seen in some of the zines is often derogatory and provocative. These women use words that have commonly been used to oppress them to reclaim and throw back at their oppressors. Like how Kathleen Hanna will right 'SLUT' on her arm in marker or lipstick while flaunting kinderwhore styles, these zines will use the word 'CUNT' to invoke power and a voice for women.  But what lines are now drawn on the internet. Am I able to be taken seriously when I swear and use 'offensive' language or is that something truly lost now that we do not print our rants, do people even listen to any critical media nowadays? How in your face can you get on the internet?

Fighting with Femininity

So there is femininity, masculinity and androgyny. And that's pretty much it. You can blend them together, they are not set in stone; but its really hard to be both feminine and masculine at the same time. One will take from the other. For the past year and a half I had embraced femininity as a power source, something that could make a statement and show strength, but I am finding that I dont even take myself seriously when I am feminine. But yet I also feel awkward masculine. Either way people stare at me in public and thats hard for me. I actually hate the attention, which is why its funny that I own so many tutus and all that glitter. I love them, yes. But I actually dont love wearing them, I feel embarrassed by them and wish I could crawl in a hole. For most people this would come as a shock. Many people think I like to wear crazy clothing, but really I only like to do it when I either not alone, or when I am doing something else that makes me feel uncomfortable like tabling or leading an activist thing. I need to distract people away from me.  I do this in drag as well, I wear crazy looking outfits so that people look at my clothes and not my lack of dancing ability.
My issue with being more masculine is that I've learned feminine mannerisms and ways of speaking and acting so well that it will be hard to not imploy them. I dont want to be dressing like a guy and acting like a cheerleader. I curse my first roommate, Kelli for teaching me how to walk and act like a girl! And then I get crap on both sides for how I act and dress. If I go too femme, Ange tells me I'm acting weak. If I go too butch(or butch at all) everyone at school looks at me funny and asks why I'm dressed like that. I can't win!! I dont know what's right for me, thats something I need to experiment with to find out. I worry now that I cut my hair into a boyish skater cut(it was supposed to be a longer fauxhawk) that I am going to get a lot of crap for it.
I feel like there is nothing I can do to please people and they are going to assume a lot of things about me, no matter what I decide. As a feminist I believe in validating people's choices, I just wish people took that concept into every facet of people's lives. I am PRO-CHOICE. A person's sexuality is their choice, gender presentation/clothing styles, who they date, what they believe, what they do with their body. As long as you are not harming another person(directly) do whatever you want. Its none of my business.