Feminist Retirement: Hanging up the Tutus

Okay maybe not that dramatic, but I am thinking of giving up feministy things for a while. Its too stressful and makes me too bitter. I have handed over the internship and I finished my Women's Studies already. I feel that I am a much nicer and more fulfilled person without it. I can talk to men without them waiting for me to hurt them in some way or me thinking they are going to hurt me. I feel that I am more pleasant and frankly, I am a lot more chill. I dont care what people really say as long as its not a rape joke(that's something I react to, not think about). Otherwise I dont care, words are words. I will still be a feminist encyclopedia and the go-to girl when one of my grrrls needs something, but I'm too tired to fight. Its exhausting and it doesn't help me deal with my issues the way I originally thought it would. I used to think that I was stronger because of feminism, but I think now I was always strong and if anything feminism was something I hid behind, that held me back.

I was a radical feminist, some days postmodern queer theorist, but I think now I am more of a practical feminist. I believe that is what I was in high school. I'll fight the fight when I have to, but I dont need to go looking for a fight. I'm growing up, I'm not that bratty teenager anymore. Yes, I am aware of what is going on in the world. And I will never forget the things that happened in my life that made me a feminist, but I need more in my life than anger. As long as I am a feminist fighting for what is 'right' (which is a subjective concept that many times I do not actually agree with), I will always be angry and bitter and I will never move on and heal my own wounds. Because honestly, I have learned that your wounds dont heal by stabbing another. I have learned compassion and I have realized how much harm I have done to myself and to others, in the name of feminism(and don't try to tell me that anything I did wasn't feminist, I dont believe in feminist crack)

Accepting being Wrong

I have always prided myself on being firm in my opinions and having an opinion about everything. But lately I have been put up to question opinions I have declared. There are few things where I am actually torn on how I believe, most things I am very set in my ways. I am having trouble dealing with two right answers or being able to be two opposing forces at once. I just want to help and really I want to help women, because that is what I do. She is making me realize this more and more. And frankly she has been making me realize how wrong I have been and how big my blinders were. Because as she put it, would I hate her and judge her for doing the same kind of thing? Probably not. And what if I was to do the same sort of thing one day? So why would I have one set of rules for her or myself and another for everyone else?